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Finally letting go to grow

September 30th, 2015 at 03:55 pm

It's that moment something clicks...the realization that the sadness and stress caused by various family members in my life was the biggest trigger for unnecessary spending and debt. I buy things during extreme stress as a temporary way to fill the void. I go through cycles where things are great and then I deal with family and then the spending happens. What's interesting is the bad ones always seem to be showing up right as things get better or good in my life. It's a sad cycle that's been happening for years.
After giving birth to baby number 3, I started to become overwhelmed. I got rid of what I didn't need in order to make time and also resources for my family. It occurred to me that certain people have never respected boundaries and that they have always been that extra weight/demon constantly grabbing at me like dark claws.
When things are good, they are the first to be needy, want, manipulate, and fake happiness or pretend to give support because they know they'll get something out of it. When things are bad, they are the last to be there and are the types of people that get a joy watching others fail or feel good by causing pain.
I realized I would never allow a complete stranger to behave this way near me or especially my children and I'd have to let them go forever. It wasn't easy. It was like trying to swat at mosquitos that kept coming back, but after they finally got the point, I feel free. I felt sad at first, but then woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I feel liberated knowing that it's for the best.
I don't have that need to spend and fill a void in order to cover up feeling bad. When I start to feel sad, I remind myself that my children give me unconditional love and it continues to grow. I realize that not spending money is a way of respecting and protecting myself and my family. The more I protect and respect my money like my children, the better I feel and better off I'll be.

5 Responses to “Finally letting go to grow”

  1. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Your last paragraph is both touching and powerful.

  2. turning a new leaf Says:

    thank you.

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    Very good insight. Clearly you are a woman of strength!

  4. Elle [is for Lemon] Says:

    {{hugs}} there is truth in those words; I think we have all experienced times/people like that. For me, it's my 16 year old daughter. She's happiest when she is on the receiving end of food, treats, clothes, etc... but when that's not happening, watch out world. Frown

  5. PatientSaver Says:

    Yes, I agree with Joan..i was impressed with your insights as I share some of the same family challenges, but in a different way. I've noticed I tend to spend as a way to comfort myself; I tell myself I "deserve" this after all the stress/things I've been dealing with, but there are far healthier ways to deal with stress and sadness, like taking a walk in the woods, spending time with those you love, cooking a nourishing meal for yourself and your family, having a good talk with a friend.

    I think words like "I deserve" are really misused a lot.

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